There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
even my farts smell like vagina
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
