Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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