you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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