Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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