woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
