I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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