put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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