i already hear my dad disowning me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
