i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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