Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
