Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
