remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
