I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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