Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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