even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
