I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
