Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
