In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You're a waste of cheezeits
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
