Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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