I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
