she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just found puke in my bra..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
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There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize