I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
