Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
