the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
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He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
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This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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