Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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