i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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