I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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