Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I love you.
Bad choice
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
