mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
there is glitter all over my balls
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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