as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
