Can Purell be used as lube?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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