He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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