Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
