He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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