dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
