We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
