Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
