Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
