There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
