i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
