Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
