This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
