i just had sex bonerless
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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