thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
