no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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