Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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