I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just gift wrapped bread.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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