aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just had sex on a roof
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
