If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Randomize
