she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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