Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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