2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
