Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
