I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
