I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
